dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Randomize
