so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
