Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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