I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
