I looked at my own cervix.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize