God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
