U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
