My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
