Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
