i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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