i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
