Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I came so hard my ears popped.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize