If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
