The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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