My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
