Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
