32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize