Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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