Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
