I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
where are you?
Hypothermia
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
