on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
did i just pee glitter
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
