no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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