There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize