last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
