I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I AM VODKA MAN
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
