Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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