Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
