I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
third nipple confirmed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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