I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Randomize
