I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
