tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
