she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
handjob tips. give me some.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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