The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
