I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
