PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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