He uses pillows to masturbate.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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