so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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