i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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