I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
cat food counts as protein by the way
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
