tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
