if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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