i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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