Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
