Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
