Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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