listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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