Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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