she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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