I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
