um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
