its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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