Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
