i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
