What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
