If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
