My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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