I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
