am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
