just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
