Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
