He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
bring money and cleavage
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
