I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
