I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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