Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize