Yo dont text me then not text me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
