I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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