HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
