The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
