I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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