I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
