I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
