I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
