I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Everclear isn't food dammit
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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