she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
