Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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