I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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