yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize