i would punch a child for taco bell
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
