I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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