Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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