nut hugger
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
