Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
