You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
