just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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