Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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