We won't sleep together?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
