I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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