I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
