i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
