3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
