Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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