Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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