i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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