I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
