Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
