Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
