If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
