I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize